


i'm with you (even if it makes me blue)

by secretlyhuman



Series: take me out (and take me home) [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Disasters, Bisexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, Coffee Shops, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Miscommunication, Sexuality Crisis, Truth or Dare, very light on the angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretlyhuman/pseuds/secretlyhuman
Summary: The first time he’d met Eddie was after some stupid exam that he’d barely passed and Hen had pushed him into this ridiculously beautiful man. He was a mess of flushed cheeks and stumbling words. No one should be that calm, especially not while he was a fucking mess. Maddie was convinced that Buck had a crush on him but she had to be wrong. Buck was straight for a start and more importantly so was Eddie. When he’d said that she’d done the laugh that he hated the one that said sure but also that she was older and definitely knew better. His skin crawled with the idea of crushing on Eddie.orEddie Diaz is the new boy in the group and Buck is definitely straight.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: take me out (and take me home) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1783606
Comments: 4
Kudos: 83





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I've written in genuinely years so please be gentle with me. More to come maybe either in new chapters or as a series because I love them. Title is from [Paper Rings](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dDhWwTlf9A) by Taylor Swift. (the link is too a live concept i thought was neat and fit super nicely)
> 
> Comments make my entire day, tysm for reading.

Buck wasn’t sure about Eddie Diaz, how he ended up in the group. This was meant to be just a small thing, with his closest friends. Diaz was new and made him uncertain on his feet. He was too much, too nice and too pretty. He’d shared some serious science class with Hen, Buck thought but he wasn’t really sure. The man was gorgeous, Buck wasn’t convinced men like that existed outside of fairy tales and for some reason he kept smiling at Buck. A smile so open it almost hurt to look at. 

“Come on Buck. It’ll be fun.” They were sat around the outdoor pool at Bobby's, a little drunk off cheap beer and end of term excitement, and Diaz was looking at him with those big soft eyes. 

“It’s December, absolutely not.” Something in him wanted to please the other man but not enough to risk freezing. He stood up to get another beer out of the cooler, ignoring Eddie with his puppy dog eyes. He made it about three steps before he felt something make contact with him and he went tumbling in with whatever it was. 

He came up coughing and spluttering in the ice cold water just in time to see Diaz grinning and pushing soaking hair from his eyes. He could hear the group laughing from where they sat and Chim wolf whistling, he assumed in response to the way Diaz’s shirt was now see through and clinging to the planes of muscle of his stomach. He wasn’t sure they quite had a throwing each other into a pool type relationship yet and Buck felt something almost like anger start to curl in his stomach. 

It took a few more seconds for him to regain composure, and a plan started to form in his mind. Eddie just started to open his mouth, maybe to explain, maybe to gloat and Buck pushed his arms out through the water. It arced over from him to Eddie, knocking him back ever so slightly. 

“Oh, you’re on Buckley.” He thinks one of the group are playing music in the background, something poppy and dumb but he’s distracted by Eddie throwing himself into him for the second time in as many minutes. They wrestle around in the water, splashing and squealing, knocking it over the sides into the others who have come closer to watch the show. As they tussle, their bodies pressed together he becomes aware of just how ripped the shorter man is and feels himself blushing. 

It’s Athena who pulls them apart because of course it is, everyone else just content with watching them fight. They’re both out of breath and shivering. She hands them towels with a role of her eyes as they drag themselves out, laying panting on the sides. Buck can’t feel his toes but he’s strangely aware of Eddie lying next to him. 

**...**

The first time he’d met Eddie was after some stupid exam that he’d barely passed and Hen had pushed him into this ridiculously beautiful man. He was a mess of flushed cheeks and stumbling words. No one should be that calm, especially not while he was a fucking mess. Maddie was convinced that Buck had a crush on him but she had to be wrong. Buck was straight for a start and more importantly so was Eddie. When he’d said that she’d done the laugh that he hated the one that said sure but also that she was older and definitely knew better. His skin crawled with the idea of crushing on Eddie. 

That had been September and now it was December and nothing had changed. Eddie had to be hiding something, some deep dark secret, some skeleton in his closet; Buck hadn’t found it yet but he was determined to. The rest of the group were too enamoured with him, he just didn’t want them getting hurt. That was all. 

Sometimes this almost darkness seeps into the edges of Eddie and Buck feels both validated and heartbroken. Because he’s definitely got a secret, something that makes him shorter with his friends and a little pouty. (His bottom lip juts out ever so slightly further when he pouts Buck notices.) But he, like everyone, wishes he knew what was going on in his head. He’s so open with them all but they don’t know anything about him. Hen and Chim had started a list of all the things they did; it included his major, his favourite brand of beer and that he lived with his parents. 

...

He isn’t sure who peels themselves off the tiles first but slowly they make their way back into the warmth of Bobby’s house, the rest of the group close behind. The house is big and lush and no one quite knows how 23 year old senior Bobby Nash owns something like it. That’s the thing with the group, they're all just a little sad around the edges. So no one wants to ask Bobby to bear his heart to all of them, lest he bleed out on the plush carpet. 

They get sent through to one of the bathrooms to dry off properly, so they don’t get the furniture wet. Buck isn’t sure how he and Eddie end up in the same one but the second the door closes Eddie starts peeling his shirt off revealing the tan skin of his stomach. If Buck was impressed with Eddie’s body when he was clothed he doesn’t know where that leaves him now. His mouth is suddenly very dry and there’s not a word left in his head. Eddie is built like he’s made of marble and all Buck can do to stare. 

“Sorry I threw you in man. I thought it would be fun, I didn't realise how cold it would be.” 

“It was a little, I’ll admit.” Eddie smiles and somehow his mouth gets even drier.

He hates when Maddie is right. 

He realises that he’s dripping pool water onto the nicely tiled floor and has barely moved since they came in. A silence stretches between them. He thinks of Abby, how his cowardice got in the way, being too in his own head has done nothing but hurt him before.

Without really thinking he takes several steps forward to crowd into Eddie’s space. He can feel a hitch in Eddie’s breath and him almost say something and then he kisses him long and slow. It’s new and exciting, they’re both a little cold so they crowd closer together, hands tangling in each other's hair. 

As sudden as they'd crashed together they fall apart, Eddie almost shoving him back. He can’t breathe and his head is still empty. 

“Sorry man. I shouldn’t have done that. I don't know why I did that.” Buck starts to babble as guilt starts to crowd him. Eddie is straight and he is so stupid. The whole group will know not just that he’s not straight, something he’s only just discovered, but also just that he’s an idiot the minute the pair of them step out of the room. Eddie’s worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, slightly out of breath with his cheeks flushed red. It hurts to look at him. 

Eddie turns and pulls on his still soaked shirt and slips out the door without a word. Buck cringes at the memory of his hands on his waist. There was a second there where he thought he was something divinely right. Like kissing Eddie Diaz and being kissed in return is what he was born to do. Now he just feels like a fucking idiot leaving chlorinated puddles on the tiles.

...

Eddie returns home from the pool soaking wet and freezing cold. He tries to sneak in like he did when he was a teenager to escape his mother’s stern gaze. He’s home in time though which is what matters. 

That night over dinner she stares at him while he thinks of nothing but Evan Buckley. Hen had been trying to set them up for months at this point which was crazy when one of them was straight. Or at least he had thought Buck was straight. Most of the time he didn’t even seem to like him, but on occasion there were these moments where it felt like all of Buck’s attention was on him. Those soft blue eyes looked right through him and Eddie would get these flashes of what they could be like together. No one in his new group of friends made him laugh harder than Buck did nor did any of them confuse him as much. 

...

It takes Buck three days to tell Maddie and she laughs so hard her eyes tear up. Then in order she tells him she loves and is proud of him, tells him off for scaring away the nice new boy and asks him what he wants for dinner. 

Buck wonders what his mother would think as he lays in bed that night. Imagines the cold tilt of her head and the way she would look past him as he would talk to her, unwilling to listen to the tales of another Evan Buckley screw up. He thinks about her less now that his time’s filled by college and his friends and living halfway across the country, but sometimes when he closes his eyes she’s all he sees on the back of his eyelids.

…

When they return after Christmas break, Diaz avoids him entirely. He wishes he wouldn’t, so that he could apologise at least. What had happened had surprised him more than anything he’d done before and he feels bad for Diaz being on the receiving end of that minor crisis. But Diaz doesn’t even look at him, and so every time they’re in the same room Buck is left with a flush of embarrassment and the occasional look from Hen who clearly thinks she knows something. 

It takes her nine days to bring it up which he’s pretty sure is a record, she’s normally much less subtle. And she doesn’t do it in front of the group to his relief, at least he can maintain some thin sheen of dignity amongst the rest of them. 

“What did you do that boy Buck?” She speaks more softly than usual which surprises him. Normally she would ride him for a screwup this big. 

There are a few seconds before he speaks, how can he explain those three perfect embarrassing seconds. 

“I kissed him a bit. Well, first I realised I liked men and then I kissed him. And. And he kissed me back.” He pauses to catch his breath. “And then he ran from me.”

He isn’t sure what the look that passes over her face means. Normally Hen is a completely open book but for once her expression is impenetrable. His eyes start to sting with tears and his cheeks redden. He hates this, how exposed he is. 

She takes his hand between hers and leans forward just a little. 

“Look, Buck. You didn’t do anything wrong, Eddie’s just working through his own shit right now.” It is much nicer than he expected to have someone on his side. It’s not that Maddie isn’t but she has to be, and she doesn’t know what it’s like to see yourself one way and have to watch the split second where it shatters. 

**…**

The party is too loud and Buck is not having fun. His talk with Hen left him feeling exposed like his whole body is one big raw nerve. The beer here is cheap and drinkable but he doesn’t want to get drunk, not really after the last time he was in Bobby’s too big house. He’s thankful that Hen didn’t mention what happened to anyone else but they can all still tell that something is off with him. 

And that something is off with Eddie, who is now even quieter and more serious than ever. 

He’s also currently completely wasted, draped over a sofa while some sober freshman tries to hold a real conversation with him. Buck found himself missing Eddie’s presence once it was no longer a steady constant, so he figures the least he can do is save him from the over eager girl. The crowd is dense and the music is too loud but he soon finds himself standing by the other man. He taps on his shoulder and as Eddie looks up at him his entire face breaks into a smile and Buck’s heart melts entirely. 

This crush is entirely out of control.

“Buck! You’re here! This nice girl was telling me something but I think we should go dance!”

Buck isn’t sure if Eddie is more sober than he thought but the plan seems to work as the girl rolls her eyes and walks away. Although it seems that Eddie was not joking about dancing, and Buck is dragged forward by a strong grip on his arm. Eddie leads them right into the frey and pulls Buck forward by his hips until their bodies are pressed together. He isn’t really sure what Eddie is doing can be described as dancing, it's some semi on beat combination of swaying and just grinding on him through his jeans.

"Hey, man, we should get you home, bud.” He places his hands firmly on the shorter man's shoulders in the hopes of prying their bodies just a little further apart, giving himself any room to breathe.

“But this is great and you’re here!”

“Yeah, and you’re wasted.” Eddie wobbles just a little and steadies himself by digging his hand into Buck’s hip, dangerously reminiscent of the way he had back in December. “Alright, that’s enough. Someone is getting you home safe.”

Somehow the grin on his face expands even further. 

“I’ll go as long as it’s with you because I cannot go home tonight.” Buck doesn’t not know how to unpack that and he isn’t sure it would be fair to either. He’s pretty sure he could ask Diaz anything and all the answers would come tumbling out before he could ever stop them. 

This is how Buck ends up on the sofa of his apartment with Eddie Diaz fast asleep, and Buck suspects naked in his bed. He’d settled Eddie down and left to get water and ibuprofen ready for the awful hangover he thought would be coming for him tomorrow. When he’d returned he could see Eddie bundled in his comforter and his clothes strewn across the floor. 

Eddie naked in his bed was not an image he needed right now. 

He drifts into an uneasy sleep on the couch and wakes up to the smell of fresh fruit. He can hear Maddie’s laughter from the kitchen and he revels in the sound. There was a point where he thought he’d never hear it again, but it feels like home. Nothing in the world makes him more happy than the fact that his sister laughs again. 

Then a second voice floats through and he freezes as pieces of the night before make their way back to him. Eddie’s wandering hands and that smile. A smile that could solve all of the world's problems. 

Buck makes his way to the kitchen as quietly as possible, eager to see what Diaz is like when he’s not around. He leans against the doorframe for a second and watches as Eddie chops fruit and throws it into the blender. An idea flashes through his head of the two of them a little older, cooking in their own apartment. He’s being ridiculous but it’s hard not to imagine when Eddie is standing in his kitchen like he’s belonged there all along. 

Maddie is the first one to see him, leaning up against the kitchen counter, she raises one eyebrow which he ignores. He doesn’t want to think about how much Eddie didn’t want to go home, so instead he thinks about how much he’d like him to stay here. The blush that spreads across Eddie’s face when he sees Buck against the door frame is instantaneous, his embarrassment palpable even from across the room. 

“I’m sorry for being so-” Eddie swallows hard and Buck watches every one of the muscles in his throat move. “So messy. Apparently, I’m much more of a lightweight than I thought.” 

The laugh that follows is short, fooling no one. 

“It’s fine, really. But next time you’re taking the couch.” This second laugh is just a little more sincere and he can see Eddie start to relax. 

The smoothies he’s making have no right to be as good as they are, especially given what Buck had in his kitchen. Healthy food is less of a priority to him and Maddie than it maybe should be, taking a back seat to things they can make quickly and with limited skill. He's not even sure what fruit they had in the apartment, let alone if they had any less than a week past its prime. 

All too soon Eddie is walking out of the door, with Buck even more confused than he had been. He remembers Eddie’s string grip, and the feel of their bodies pressed close, something that’s almost becoming a regular fixture in his life. It’s just weird and he doesn’t know what’s happening in the slightest and he hates it. He wishes that he could make Eddie smile all the time in the way that no one else can but he also wishes Eddie would just leave him alone. Mostly he just wants answers, something concrete on how the man feels. 

**…**

Something changes with him and Eddie after that night, Eddie’s just a little softer when Buck’s around and Buck trusts him just a little more. He isn’t sure whose idea coffee is, all he really knows is that nothing he’s read in the past hour has really stuck in his head and he’s just about ready to throw his damn textbook across the library. Then he’s sat at a table with Eddie in the squishy chairs at his favourite place on campus and there’s a gallon of coffee in front of him with three and a half sugars just the way he likes it. 

Now the silence between them isn’t the sharp thing it used to be either, it’s almost comfortable. Eddie is cradling his mug to his chest, he must have needed the break just as much. 

“I’m surprised no one else joined us, there’s nothing Chim loves more than coffee.” Buck doesn’t want to ruin the moment but he also wants to know why Eddie chose just him. 

“Hen wouldn’t let him, she’s clearly got some plan for us.” Buck’s heart falters in his chest. Of course she did, she was the one that introduced them in the first place. He hopes his emotions aren’t as obvious to Eddie, who clearly does not reciprocate them. They had the best kiss of Buck’s life but somehow he remains unaffected by it. 

They return to the comfortable silence. 

Buck thinks back to the list the group had and adds some of the things that he’s got from Diaz since they got back from break. He’s majoring in biology so he can hopefully go to med school. He kisses like a freaking fairytale. He has something at home that’s fucking him up and Buck is desperate to know what. 

“Hey, about the party.” Eddie’s quiet voice knocks him from his thoughts. “Thanks for taking care of me man. It means a lot that you didn’t leave me with that girl or send me home.” This isn’t at all what Buck was expecting over his cappuccino, and words tumble from his mouth as he tries to reassure Eddie that really it was nothing, that he’d do it again. He thinks there should be rules about how much one person can make you blush. If there were, Eddie would always be breaking them, any time he’s around Buck finds himself blushing like a preteen. 

“I told my mom I was at a study group with you guys and she’s real strict. I couldn’t go home in that state if I ever wanted to be let out again.” This feels like the top of some bigger truth but Buck doesn’t want to push it too far, in case Eddie runs and this time doesn’t stop to look back. 

Eddie’s doing that thing with his mouth again where he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth biting at it ever so slightly and Buck is transfixed. He wishes he could be the one biting it. 

He isn’t sure he’s ever crushed on someone this much. Abby was different; he chased after her because she made him feel lovable. He loved making her laugh but he wasn’t sure they’d ever really been in love. They were both far too in their own heads to ever sustain it for long, just looking to fill the broken pieces in themselves. She was older and she was pretty but they were both just ghosts passing through each other. This thing with Eddie, whatever it really was, was different for him at least. Watching Eddie made his head spin and his heart pound. 

He really hoped that Eddie couldn’t tell. Since the kiss there had been no indication at all that Eddie was even into men let alone into him. 

… 

The coffees became a regular thing, sometimes they’d chat and sometimes they’d study. Sometimes both of them would just cradle their coffees in a new and comfortable quiet. It wasn’t until he watched Eddie work that Buck realised just how smart he was. His notes were precisely colour coded and entirely impenetrable to Buck. He’d sit and pretend to read his history textbooks, sneaking glances over the top of them to watch the way Diaz tapped the table and chewed on his pens. 

He was no closer to working out what Eddie’s deal really was. There was still clearly something that ate at him some days, storms raging behind his dark eyes. He wanted to ask but he still felt a little unsteady. Their weekly coffee had become ingrained into his routine and he couldn’t imagine a week without it. 

Everyone notices their closeness now. It becomes just an established part of them all, like the way Hen could rarely be found without Chim or that everyone pretended not to know about Bobby and Athena. They all knew that Buck and Eddie defaulted to each other. If one of them needed a lift, the other would be behind the wheel with snacks. And if you invited one to something the other would be there. 

(The one exclusion to this being Eddie and Hen’s wildly serious study groups. Buck had shown up exactly once and never felt more stupid amongst all the razor sharp pre med kids.)

He now knew how to pull those smiles from Eddie, the ones that he’d found captivating from the start. He made it his personal mission to get as many as possible, collecting them each day. Making notes of what made him smile the most or laugh the hardest. It wasn’t even difficult, making Eddie Diaz laugh was the most natural thing in the world. 

The disadvantage of all this was that Buck was now nursing the biggest crush in the world. It was quite possible that no one had ever fancied someone so much or ever would again. Some moments it was so heavy on him that he couldn’t breathe with it. It was all he could do not to blurt it out at inopportune moments.

… 

Hen and Maddie were so tired of their boy's nonsense. They’d worked it out straight away of course and it was all they could do not to yell just kiss already everytime Buck trailed off to stare at Eddie chewing his pen or Eddie came into the room and immediately sat directly into Buck’s personal space. They were truly so obvious even Chim was starting to notice and he was still unconvinced about Bobby and Athena. 

… 

Neither of them enjoyed parties particularly, in fact Eddie had something of a chronic aversion to them. Buck hadn’t seen him at a single one since their sleepover. Eddie went to class and to the library, to coffee with him and maybe they could drag him to Bobby’s but it required some serious persuasion on Buck’s part. This had caused Hen and Maddie to look at each other with something Buck couldn’t understand in their eyes but it was always worth it to lean up against Eddie on that same sofa. 

So it’s much to his surprise when Eddie tried to organise him a birthday party, proposing drinks and music and beer. It would be held at Bobby’s and Buck got to pick the music. It hadn’t quite been what he wanted from Eddie but it was nice, made him feel like someone cared. 

The party was - Buck wasn’t sure what a party was meant to be. But his friends were around him and they were playing a game of truth or dare at his request. Even Athena who would normally have ducked out on the grounds that it was stupid. They were getting steadily drunker and more raucous. He wished he could show this life to his sixteen year old self. He truly loved nothing in the world more than the people around him and being in college.

Even ignoring every confusing thought he had about Eddie, this was never a way he thought he would feel. 

They sit in a loose circle in the chairs of the living room, most of the strangers gone after realising there are definitely better parties on a Friday night. He's draped across one of the sofas with his head in Eddie’s lap, praying that Eddie will think the constant blush is from the drink. Given Eddie wears nothing but incredibly skinny jeans, the material's surprisingly soft against his face and he is only half paying attention to the group. One of Eddie’s hands is just above his head and he wants nothing more than for Eddie to start playing with his hair. 

“Buck, it’s your turn bud.” Eddie is soft with him but when he sits up dazed Hen is smiling in a way that won't mean anything good.

“Dare.”

Eddie opens his mouth to say something but Chim is quicker.

“Kiss Diaz.” If Buck had been blushing before his face is now on fire. The group falls quiet. He isn't sure whether Maddie or Hen have put Chim up to this but he will figure out how to get them back for it. 

That doesn't solve the immediate problem of Diaz’s face inches from his and a challenge. 

Eddie solves the problem for him, by pulling him forward until their mouths meet for the second time. His soul just about leaves his body not a single thought in his head except he never wants this to end. He wants his mouth on Eddie’s to be the beginning and the end of it all. This time they seperate much more slowly, resting their foreheads together. 

Awareness of the whole lot of them staring at that display come to him in pieces and this time it’s his turn to flee. 

…

They last without talking for a week before Buck breaks and calls him. By the next Monday they’re normal enough to have their usual coffee. 

…

It’s Buck’s turn to apologise this time, it feels like they’re just taking it in turns. MInor screw ups made into bigger than necessary events. 

“I’m sorry again about the party man. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.” He watches a flash behind Eddie’s eyes and it’s clear that he is not apologising for the correct thing. 

“Really, that’s it Buckley? Not for running.”

“Well, that too. I’ve just been trying to work some stuff out and I couldn’t deal with everyone looking at me like that.” Eddie softens a little at that, Buck can see the slight loosening in the slope of his shoulders. He knows all of Eddie’s mannerisms, maybe more so than the man himself. 

“I just want to know what your deal is.” Now it’s Buck’s turn to be upset. 

“My deal. Are you kidding me?” His voice rises in volume and tempo as he continues. “You ran first and then you made me take you home wasted. And now you’re my best friend and I don’t even know anything about your damn life.” 

Eddie crumples inwards on himself.

“I just. Fuck. Please I’m trying not to fuck this up.” He seems almost on the verge of tears and Buck feels like an absolute dick. “I really like you, my life’s just kinda a mess and I don’t want to scare you off.”

They both are breathing heavily but Buck doesn’t want to speak because Eddie doesn’t quite seem finished. He reaches out for Eddie’s hand and their fingers immediately tangle. 

“I have a kid, his name is Chris and he’s the best thing in the whole world. His mom died when we were seventeen, a car accident, so I still live with my parents so he has some stability.” The words are tumbling out of him now and Buck isn’t sure he could stop them if he tried. “I really like you but I don’t know how to do this and you’re probably straight anyway and even if you aren’t you surely don’t want a twenty year old disappointment and that immediate responsibility and-”

“I’m not.” This seems to knock Eddie slightly from his spiral and a flash of confusion and panic passes across his face. “I’m not straight. That’s what I was working out. And don’t you dare call yourself a disappointment again.” 

Eddie’s grip tightens on his hand. His chest is collapsing in on itself but really he’s never felt braver. 

“Look I don’t know about you but this is something special and we have so much time to figure it out. And if you couldn’t tell I have the biggest thing for you.” He’s laughing a little with the thrill of it all. Even though he’s still processing Eddie’s speech, he’s pretty sure the gist of it is he likes him back. All of his nerves are alight starting with where Eddie’s fingertips are dragging over the back of his hand. 

And then they’re kissing in the coffee shop and his whole body is about to explode with the joy of it all. He likes Eddie Diaz and Eddie Diaz likes him back, nothing else matters to him in that moment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's harder to plan a date, when one of you has real responsibilities and obligations. Still he spends those drawn out days holding Eddie’s hand as they study and kissing him over coffee so it could be significantly worse. He’s not very good at the whole dating thing anyway, he’s never had the practice. Buck 1.0 skipped out on it entirely and so now he’s good at being someone’s boyfriend but the strange fixed idea of dating fills him with a slippery nervousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter and the next one might be as well. i have much more of this planned out now so lmk if there are any specific character sections you would like to see.
> 
> Comments make my day tysm for reading :)))

Buck spends the next seventeen days the most nervous he’s ever been. It's harder to plan a date, when one of you has real responsibilities and obligations. Still he spends those drawn out days holding Eddie’s hand as they study and kissing him over coffee so it could be significantly worse. He’s not very good at the whole dating thing anyway, he’s never had the practice. Buck 1.0 skipped out on it entirely and so now he’s good at being someone’s boyfriend but the strange fixed idea of dating fills him with a slippery nervousness.

The pressure of the first date was something that weighed constantly on him in that two week span. Eddie was someone special, he couldn’t screw this up any more than they had been. When he counted it back it had only been a few months they’d been chasing each other but he was aware of every second that Eddie was away from him. 

He now let himself revel in the small moments that he’d been ignoring before. The soft skin of Eddie’s fingertips tracing patterns on his arm or leaning into him while they study, held together from shoulder to thigh. He found himself how early is too early to know that you’ve got something good. Because no matter what the pair of them thought of themselves they could both tell this was something good. 

The difficulty in planning a date lay in the fact that every night Eddie had to be home by eight, nine at an absolute maximum, to tuck his boy into bed. This introduced a new part of him to Buck, Eddie Diaz the determined but doting father. Maybe a little too young for his own good, but the love he had for his sun shone from him brighter than anything. When he talked about Chris his voice quickened from his normal drawl to almost approaching Buck’s machine gun pace and his face was transformed to something even softer and more joyful than normal. 

The secret of his boy lay between them and the squad and Buck felt honoured to know. To be included into Eddie’s life in this way that was both tiny and all encompassing. 

He was just honestly and entirely obsessed with Eddie Diaz.

However they were both subpar at date planning and (Buck assumed) dating. He could only speak solidly for himself but from the scraps of Eddie’s past he got it seemed they were in similar boats. 

… 

The seventeenth day was a Friday, which meant Buck started it with an American Literature class. He loved reading but he hated this class. The teacher was a short man with the type of mustache normally found on cartoon villains and the class syllabus was incredibly dull. It contained the same books read and hated by high school students across the country. Buck was used to Athena’s book recommendations and for every day he had to spend blankly staring at his copy of Catcher in the Rye he felt a little piece of his soul leave his body. 

The class always left him a little frustrated but his mood instantly changed when he arrived home to Eddie on his doorstep. The shorter man’s in a henley, stretched across the broad muscles of his back and the same ultra tight jeans he always wears. Seeing him there Buck’s head is as empty as the first time they kissed. 

When Eddie smiles his heart stutters and for a second he forgets how to breathe.

“Do you trust me?” It’s said with the sort of smile that could stop traffic.

“Yeah, of course.” His voice comes out a little breathier than he means it to. Before he can ask any more questions Eddie’s hand is in his and he’s being pulled back out the building. 

Eddie leads him to his car, a small beater that looks like it’s at least as old as the two of them. Eddie slides behind the driver’s seat and pauses before he starts the engine. Buck watches the wave of tension that passes through him and he reaches out to gently squeeze one of Eddie’s hands. The smile that follows is narrow in a way few of his are but no less stunning to the younger man. 

… 

The drive is mercifully short and Buck spends it watching Eddie’s tight grip on the wheel. Eddie’s truck is big and the seats are surprisingly comfortable. It’s also a manual which surprises Buck but the smaller man handles it with relative ease. Buck basks in the opportunity to watch Eddie when Eddie can’t look back at him. He adds the sharp line of his jaw and the way the muscles in his hands stand out to the catalogue of features he’s making in his mind.

Buck spends a lot of time thinking about Eddie’s hands. Watching him write, or tapping his fingertips on any available surface. Buck thinks of how they feel in his own. And he thinks of what they would feel like on his skin. He’s glad Eddie’s looking at the road because suddenly his face is on fire. 

They pull up into a patch of sandy dirt that Buck thinks is supposed to be a parking lot. There’s a line of trees in front of them and the road behind but not much else. 

“Hey, I never asked before but are you gonna murder me Diaz?” Eddie’s already out of the car collecting a large beat up backpack from the back seat of the car, so Buck has to twist round to attempt eye contact. 

“You said you trusted me so trust me, Buckley.” From anyone else Buck would be pretty sure that that’s a threat but from Eddie it almost sounds flirty. 

He blindly follows the man towards the tree line, the hot California sun beating down on their backs. They walk for a little while in silence, Buck not wanting to disrupt Eddie’s focus. Soon they’re leaving the shade of the trees onto a grassy plateau. Below them the city stretches out beneath them. Of course Eddie found them a place as beautiful as he is. 

“Never heard you so quiet man, you alright.” Eddie’s smiling but there’s a clear undercurrent of nerves through it. 

Buck replies by throwing his arms around him, smiling and murmuring something about beauty into the crook of Eddie’s neck, hot breath ghosting over his skin. 

Once they’re untangled once more, Eddie slings his bag to the ground and bends down to rifle through it. First he pulls out a brightly coloured blanket that looks like something Buck would have found in his grandmother’s house. It’s spread across the floor and Eddie yanks his arm, somewhat gracelessly he drops to the floor. Buck isn’t sure where Eddie got the blanket but it clearly wasn’t designed for two grown men and a rucksack, their bodies are pressed together close and Buck knows he’s going to end up with pins and needles in his legs from the awkward way the two of them are intertwined.

Next Eddie pulls out a small feast worth of Tupperware. Buck catches sight of fruit and pasta and little, pastel cakes. With each thing that comes from the bag Eddie looks a little more proud of himself. Clearly Buck has to reassess Eddie’s dating skill because this is better than anything he could have thought of. 

Lastly he pulls out two bottles of beer and a bottle open, clicking off the lids and passing one to Buck. He can feel Eddie’s eyes on him as he takes the first sip and he leans in to kiss him as he lowers the bottle, distance minimised in the close quarters of the blanket.

“This is the most romantic thing anyone’s done for me.” He remembers the first time they kissed and how strange it had felt, thanks whatever God he can think of for bringing this thoughtful man into his life. Thanks this thoughtful man for being willing to stay. 

It’s Eddie’s turn to blush and Buck thinks he might die from how adorable he is. The pink is stark on his skin and it spread down his neck and under the collar of his shirt. Buck wants to kiss every inch of blushed skin.

“My abuela used to bring me out here, it’s where I go if I need to clear my head.” Buck wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve Eddie’s secrets but he would take everyone he could, carry them all if it took some of the weight from Eddie’s shoulders. 

… 

Buck is as always completely unreadable to Eddie. He kisses him and then looks at Eddie with those eyes, so wide that he almost looks about to cry. If he doesn’t Eddie might so he’s the first to break eye contact instead turning out to the city beneath them. He leans into the solid frame of the man behind him. 

(Into his boyfriend? Were they boyfriends? How do you ask someone you fancy that much if they’re your boyfriend?)

He was aware that he was starting to fidget so instead he started opening plastic containers at random revealing all manner of neatly portioned snack foods. His morning class had been cancelled and so Hen fixed him with that look of hers and told him to do something nice. The result had been every type of food that seemed remotely appropriate for a picnic and a look from his mother that suggested she knew something he didn’t. As he opened the boxes he could feel Buck laughing behind him.

“You got a second date planned after this, Diaz? Should I be jealous?” Even Eddie had to admit that he had gone a bit overboard in terms of snacks. There was enough food for at least three more people. He rolled his head back, connecting with Buck’s shoulder.

“And this is just the stuff pretty enough for you to see.” He’d left his kitchen in something of a state. “When I get home I have a pile of dishes the size of Chris to do.” 

He could only see Buck at the top of his vision, so he felt more than saw the smile and was more than a little surprised when the younger man pressed a kiss to his forehead.

…

Eddie was a perfect man and a surprisingly good cook. They filled themselves up with all the tiny things he’d prepared or bought, mustardy pasta salad then crisps then tiny, delicate sugar cookies. For some reason he had thought Eddie wouldn’t know his way around a kitchen and he was more than happy to be wrong. 

It didn’t take long for them to be absolutely full and not quite tipsy from the beer. 

Once they were done they shuffled slightly so Eddie’s back was pulled tight against his chest so he could lean back and see more of the wide expanse of the sky. Buck was slowly starting to get used to California, the constant warmth and sun different to the seasons of his youth. He wished he could preserve this moment, the sun on his face and Eddie Diaz in his arms every time he had to face his parents or a Pennsylvanian winter. 

The conversation mostly melted away, the two of them content by their full stomachs and the presence of the other. 

The way Eddie stretches against him he can see the long pale stretch of the side of his jaw and he decides to take the chance. He leans forward and leaves a variety of small kisses and bites along the expanse. His skin is salt sweet and Buck’s surrounded by the smell of his cologne, clean but a little rough. 

At the first pass of Buck’s lips Eddie lets out a sigh he didn’t know he had been holding and leans a little further out, offering up even more skin for him. He moves one of his arms back so he could grip onto the muscle of Buck’s thigh and he feels Buck hiss in response. 

Slowly he turned to face the younger man, using the hand on his thigh for balance. Then he kisses him in slow motion, taking every change in pressure or slow drag of lips and tongues. This is the kiss he has been holding in since that damp December night and he uses it to tell Buck everything he hasn’t. He moves his hands to under Buck’s shirt and isn’t surprised to find defined passages of muscle. This is everything kissing should be and more and he feels fucking electric. 

He scrapes his nails along the skin of Buck’s stomach and watches his head loll back and his hips cant upwards. He takes the time to return Buck’s earlier favour and kisses along the column of his throat, following with a series of small bites. 

Eddie gently sucks at the juncture between shoulder and neck and Buck makes a noise so obscene that he wants to bottle it. He’s acutely aware that they’re in a public space but he’s hard in his jeans and he would do anything to make him repeat that noise. 

He repeats the gesture and this time Buck is a little more prepared, he still lets out a gasp but he also has enough of his wits to grab Eddie’s ass. Suddenly they’re laying on top of each other and Buck’s thigh is between his and it’s his turn to hiss out a moan. They’re kissing again and Buck slips his fingers under the waistband of Eddie’s jeans, cool against the flushed skin of his lower back. It takes everything in Eddie’s body to refrain from just pulling in closer, grinding down harder and investigating every broken sound he can pull from Buck. It’s all he wants to follow this to a fast and satisfying end, high above the city. 

With every last coherent thought in his body he rolls off the taller man, quick to grab his hand. 

“This isn’t a rejection. Just a postponement.” He traces patterns onto Buck’s hand and tries to refrain from looking over and taking note of the effect he has had on him. 

What he doesn’t expect is for Buck to smile. 

“I’ll have you whatever way you let me Diaz.” 

… 

They leave not far after to beat the crush of LA traffic so Eddie can get to Chris’ school in time for pick up. They talk just like normal on the way home, maybe a little faster and cruder, making a sport of who can draw the most blushes from the other. All too soon Buck is back on his doorstep, container of leftovers in one hand. If he could have his way the date would never end, him and Eddie Diaz looking over the world. 

They kiss once more on the stoop and all Buck wants is to drag him to the bedroom and work out how to entirely dismantle him, but his boy has responsibilities so he reluctantly lets him go. 

Eddie presses one last kiss onto his cheek “It’s your turn next, Buckley”

And then he leaves and Buck is alone where he had found Eddie a few hours before, blushing tremendously.


End file.
